And lo, I Hear the Sound of Silence
by Rethira
Summary: The colours sing to him and Angeal quietly goes mad. Companion to Blind My Eyes Perhaps, But I Still See.


This is the belated companion piece to my fanfic _Blind My Eyes Perhaps, But I Still See_. Yes, that does mean you should probably read that first. This is meant to be read _after_ you have read _Blind_. If you want to read this first, that's fine, but just so you know, I wrote this with the assumption that anyone who reads this will have read _Blind_ first.

This was beta-ed by the very wonderful Amarissia. We all love her for it.

Warnings: deafness, the descent into insanity, gore, vague implications of rape, disfigurement and eventually death.

Disclaimer: I do not own Final Fantasy VII or any characters therein. I make no profit from this fanfiction.

* * *

**And lo, I Hear the Sound of Silence**

Silence is loud. It's so loud it is deafening. He can hear nothing but silence anymore and the sound of it is slowly but surely driving him mad. Angeal wonders where Sephiroth and Genesis are, sometimes. Not often**,** because he hates to think that they are dead or worse or just next door and calling for him but he can't hear them. He thinks maybe he should call for them, but there's no way for him to tell if they're there or not. Besides, now that he can no longer hear he hates to speak. Angeal did not think he was a proud man, but now he knows better and his pride keeps him from speaking, lest he say the words wrong.

He still screams though. Angeal can feel it, when Hojo tortures him, and he can't contain the frantic noises of pain. He feels his throat vibrating and sees the annoyance on Hojo's face. It is the only way he knows he's making a noise at all – to him, all he can hear is the silence. He revels in the screaming, in knowing he can still make a sound even if he can't hear it. It keeps him at least partly sane.

(What is making him mad is that he strains for it, that single faint noise just on the edge of hearing. He turns his head and he tries so hard just to hear a single noise and he is always doing it, constantly and never endingly. His ears hurt with the strain and his mind aches from it, but he cannot help it, not when he is so sure he almost heard something then.)

He tries to hear the crack of bone when Hojo breaks his fingers, one by one. He strains for the sound of his heart when Hojo carefully lifts the still beating organ from his chest cavity (the scientist is so careful, making sure that not a single vein or artery is broken, even when Angeal's ribs have been removed and lined up next to him). He sings quietly to himself (at least, he thinks he does) and tries to remember the words of all Genesis' favourite songs (Genesis liked singers who were baritones and he always made Angeal sing their songs and Angeal pretended not to realise that Genesis just wanted to hear Angeal sing).

He can still only hear the silence.

_

* * *

_

_They move oddly. Their mouths make funny shapes and then it hurts, dully as if from a great distance. It hurts somewhere very wrong and they make the funny mouth shapes. He blinked slowly and struggled half-heartedly. They make more funny mouth shapes and then it hurts with an unexpected immediacy. He gasps (does he? He didn't make a noise) and then one of them sits on his chest (ow, there is a big scar there) and pries his mouth open. He tries to make a noise of complaint (no need to be so rough) but again he doesn't hear anything._

_That tastes disgusting and it burns going down his throat. He sees someone (greasy hair, hunched over, thick glasses) and he's terrified (why? Why is he so scared?) and then one of the people touches him again and it hurts again and the scary man gets out a big knife and he knows he's screaming but he can't hear anything (whywhywhywhywhywhy?) and then there is darkness._

* * *

Angeal knows he is going mad. He knows because he is intelligent and because the silence is telling him he's going mad. It's not really scary anymore, the silence. It's only scary when Sephiroth and Genesis start talking and he doesn't know what's going on. He's glad that he can't hear sometimes, like when Sephiroth hunches over and plugs his ears (_Genesis must be screaming_) or when Genesis flinches or when they both look infuriated.

Today is one of those days. Sephiroth is huddled in a corner, his eyes blinking madly (his third eyelid is out, so he must be crying) and he's covered his ears. Angeal thinks that Sephiroth doesn't even realise he's doing it. Angeal sits next to him and gently strokes his hair (Genesis kissed them both yesterday and Angeal loves him for it) and makes short noises. Sephiroth's lips move constantly and Angeal wishes he knew what he was saying. Suddenly, Sephiroth uncurls. He walks over to the door and within seconds an unconscious Genesis is shoved inside. There are wounds around his eyes (_on his eyes_) and Angeal feels vaguely sick.

Genesis doesn't wake up for hours, but when he does he says something to Sephiroth and then starts crying. Angeal realises Genesis can't see any more when he walks into a wall three times in a row. His eyes look fine (just slightly darker) but he can't see. It unnerves Angeal and he thinks that maybe Hojo is trying to make them all insane.

The silence laughs at Angeal and says that he's already insane and Angeal imagines that the darkness is telling Genesis the same thing.

_

* * *

_

_It burns and hurts and oh look, his intestines are over there. Ow, he thinks, says, hears. It must hurt but he doesn't feel it. The green is singing to him. He never knew colours could make a sound, but that's what it's doing. No one else seems to hear it though. The red makes a nasty noise, so he doesn't look at it. Yellow is all squelchy so he doesn't look at that either, but green sings. Very nicely too, for all it is acid-coloured and he remembers it burning and freezing at the same time._

_He sees auburn and Genesis sings him a lullaby ("Sleep now.") and he sees silver and Sephiroth reads him battle plans. Oh, he thinks, says, hears, I'm hearing colours. It's not strange at all somehow, not like having his intestines on a table several feet away. Perhaps he should be dead, he thinks, but he isn't and he gets to hear colours. How nice. The scary man comes back and he's holding something and he sticks it in him (a needle? Is that what it is?) and then he can smell colours too. That's fun. Red smells like iron and yellow smells like piss and silver smells like Sephiroth and auburn smells like Genesis._

_He laughs and then he goes insane._

* * *

He kisses Zack's forehead. He kisses Genesis' lips. He strokes Sephiroth's hair. And he doesn't make a sound (like Zack doesn't make a sound).

(He is lucid sometimes and the insanity of silence recedes and that is when he speaks. Otherwise he is silent and insane and he listens to the colours. Black sounds like Zack laughing. When he is lucid, he fears his insanity, but knows at the same time that it is a quiet, undetectable form of madness.)

* * *

The insanity leaves when Zack is hurt. Angeal is left only with Sephiroth's guiding hands and nothing else. He learns Braille and Morse code and no longer hears or smells colours. Instead he clutches Sephiroth and refuses to let go. He knows that Sephiroth is still whole (or is he really?) and he is thankful for that. Sometimes, when Sephiroth sleeps, Angeal kisses his lips gently and wishes that they had had a different future.

His wings flutter against his back (they're white apparently, and beautiful) and Sephiroth strokes them and taps out a code against Angeal's arm. _Soft_ he taps and Angeal nods. He leans against the silver haired man and wishes he was insane again.

* * *

Angeal has never felt more alone. Sephiroth is not there and no one is helping Angeal to ground himself. He reaches out and feels cool glass, unmarked by Sephiroth and he knows.

A warm, wet breath hits the back of his head and Angeal can smell it and he knows, he knows, he knows.

It is the end.


End file.
